DAMN! THAT APPLE!

an Operetta

about The Creation and The Fall

attributed to Brother Sebastian Sailor (1714-1777)

translated from the Swabian by Richard Ives

song lyrics by Joel Shatzky

music by Lutz Mayer (1985)

abridged & adapted by Leonard Lehrman © 2020

Script for Feb. 14, 2021

DRAMATIS PERSONAE

Father God

Adam

Eve

Angel

PROLOGUE 1

ANGEL (spoken):

Esteemed audience! Worthy Guests!

Your mouth is already watering. I can see

Your avid curiosity

as you wait with bated breath to see

what I shall present to you, on my lyre.

May your faith our actors inspire

As I shall show you in this play—

how original sin, which hangs over our heads to this day,

slipped into this world that we so treasure.

And I hope 'twill give you pleasure!

May each would-be critic

and those overquick

to censure stop at the door

and withdraw!

PROLOGUE 2

GOD (speaks): Now, nothing's nothing, and stays that way,

so I thought I'd make a world one day.

Let me tell you how it happened – How I chose the date

on which I'd create

The World! I'd often look

in my appointment book

for the right month – one reason;

The second – the season.

Spring seemed to be winning

as my choice for The Beginning,

And I used my common sense

to cut down on the expense.

SONG

(sings) 1 For if I'd Chosen Summer

The warm air's such a bummer.

There's lightning and there's thunder and there's rain.

And then there comes the hail

On every hill and dale.

Creating life would be a royal pain!

And it would get so hot

That I would sweat – a lot.

A circumstance not proper for the Lord.

In Spring the work goes faster,

With no chance for a disaster,

Or opportunity to be so bored.

In the frosty Fall,

The whistling wind would call.

The sun's bright rays would turn so pale and weak.

And when it's harvest time

The grapes turn into wine.

And that is not when I am at my peak,

For then the work is done,

The drinking has begun,

And who would want to think about creation?

The men are full of beer

And other kinds of cheer,

And this is not an ideal situation!

When the Winter's come,

The womenfolk sit numb

Beside their spinning wheels and stoves of clay.

No time to build a world.

Up in bed you should be curled

While snow and ice and hoarfrost chill the day!

And so came my conclusion.

I perfected a solution:

The day would be the 25^th of Mars. (That's March.)

It's then that I began

My monumental plan

And so lit up the sun and moon and stars.

It took me just five days

To find assorted ways

To make all elements, including wood,

Stone, metal, earth and air,

Water, fire – all were there.

These seven I created – 'cause I could!

MONOLOGUE

ANGEL (speaks):

Then all sorts of creatures with wings and legs

Were pulled out of that Nothing that's worse than dregs.

And all this creating, in one

Wink of an eye,

Without one single cry,

As swift as can be,

All this creating was done...

DIALOG

GOD: by Me!

Just one single word I borrowed from Latin: FIAT! Let it be done! Isn't that great!?

And yet there's still something lacking: There's that Man to create.

With some of this clay and a lathe or two

I'll mold something really quite brand new.

Now Adam, step this way. Come on. Sure you can!

I'm going to make you the very first Man!

All the time I spent in the pottery business – before I sold it -

A better vessel I never molded!

Soon you'll eat and talk, and grow big.

You've a fine head of hair – just as good as a wig –

A fine mustache, a behind the right size.

You've got handsome calves and winsome thighs,

A nice round belly, a back that's strong,

And arms and legs, and a neck – that's not too long!

Eyes, ears, nose, mouth, a part in the hair.

What a solid hunk of flesh. Wait, the guts aren't there.

Well, I'm the Creator.

We'll deal with that later.

SONG

(sings) 2 [Making Adam]

Makes a face just like a frog.

Looks as lazy as a log.

Speak, what are you staring for?

Or Father God'll rap you in the jaw!

Be a Mensch. Now look at me.

Take a step. What do you see?

Don't be scared. Was that so hard?

Shake now and say: "Thank you, dear Father God."

Nothing doing; not a sound.

Something's missing, I'll be bound.

No sign of life or spirit there.

There's one more method: Give this fellow air!

Wake up, Adam! Blow your nose! ADAM: Puff! Puff!

Shake your head and then your toes! Puff! Puff!

Open wide now, show your teeth. Puff! Puff!

Let's hear you sneeze! Atchoo!

Gesundheit! What a relief!

DIALOG

GOD (speaks):

He's alive! Adam, you can see!

ADAM: That's right, Father God.

GOD: What a neat piece of work. Look, over there, you can see

the sun and the moon and the stars, and all Creation!

ADAM: All at the same time? GOD: Well, use your imagination...

ADAM: I see them. I see them! But... where am I? Somewhere in space?

I thought I was dreaming of the Last Judgment, with all that wind in my face!

And you must be... Father God!

GOD: And do you find that odd?

Yes, that's who I am. I did create you.

And now I'm going to... educate you.

ADAM: You know, I've always thought how it'd be really clever

If once I'm created, I could live forever...

GOD: Don't worry about that now. Just don't be conceited

Or think you should be treated better than anyone else is treated!

When the Devil tries to set you on a high horse.

Just think: All's illusion and runs out, or runs its course.

But now the time has come...

ADAM: For what?

GOD: You soon shall know.

Give me your hand. We've a long way to go

To a land where you'll have no earthly cares -

Just plums and oranges, prunes and pears!

ADAM: Good Lord! I'm shooting through the air like a cannonball.

Dear Father God, please don't let me fall!

Let me down, carefully.

GOD: I'll let you down, tenderly.

ADAM: Wow, that was some trip!

The air is certainly better here, and the trees stand straight, like the masts on a ship.

The birds sing more sweetly. The flowers and fruits are juicier.

The ducks are ducky-er, and the geese are goosey-er!

Just one thing I see that's not familiar.

In our neck of the woods, do we have that tree over there?

GOD: Leave that for now. You'll have plenty else to eat.

But first you've a chore to do. Come, have a seat.

The birds and the beasts will all come before you, and you'll say what their names will be.

ADAM: This is going to be a ball. I'll start with the birds: Beginning Ornithology!

SONG

3 [The Naming Song]

ADAM (sings): Little birds, now pay attention!

Those who perch, fly to this tree.

Those whom I have not yet mentioned

I've got your names quite easily:

Bullfinch, hawk and nightingale,

Blackbird with a reddish stripe,

Goose and crow and dove and pheasant,

Sparrow, eagle, guttersnipe,

Hen and rooster, titmouse, shrike,

Peacock, stork and grouse and raven,

Finch and owl and duck and lark and

Loon and starling, hoopoe craven.

GOD: And so many others still.

Go and share your songs and games;

Now you fish, in ponds and streams,

You shall also know your names!

ADAM: Herring, perch and anchovy,

Bullhead, carp, and then there's

Mackerel, salmon, crab and sea

Scallop, grouper, bass and sable

All show up on the Lenten table.....

To give them names now I have dared

And my lips feel parched and warm.

But of other beasts I'm frankly scared.

GOD: Fear not. You'll come to no harm.

ADAM: Lion, bear, and tiger too,

Wild boar, and bull, and gnu,

Mouse and rat,

Hedgehog, cat,

Elephant and kangaroo,

Firefly, and wasp, and bee,

Camel - call him dromedary;

Polecat, marten, louse and flea,

And an ape both huge and hairy,

Hare and otter, wolf and lynx,

You sly thief I'll call a fox,

Weasel, badger, skunk – that stinks –

Now off you go to fields and rocks!

DIALOG

GOD (speaks): Look over there – there's something you forgot.

ADAM: I covered everything - I thought.

GOD: Let the beast sound off! (to ADAM) You did not.

GOAT: Meh-e-e-e!

ADAM: Well, I find this slightly silly,

and maybe just a bit uncanny:

You're a goat; your spouse is a billy,

Your kid's a kid; and you're a nanny!

COW: Moo, moo, moo.

ADAM: I know what you are. And how!

Your brother's an ox, your spouse is a bull, your kid's a calf, and you're a cow!

HORSE: Whinny, whinny!

ADAM: You I've known you a long time there.

Yes, indeed, I have. Of course

Your son's a foal, your wife's a mare,

And you, Sir - you're a horse.

DONKEY: Eeaw, eeaw, eeaw.

ADAM: Good day, Sir Donkey. That's your name.

And how do we meet here, alas?

You're like the horse, but not the same.

No, you shall always be an ass.

DOG: Woof, woof, woof.

ADAM: Down, down, you dog! And don't nip me!

GOD: 'Specially since he's not wearing a stitch...

ADAM: I can tell you your wife's a bitch

And your son's an S.O.B.

Well now, that was fun.

And Lord, has Thy will been done?

GOD: It has all come about according to my intent.

And now good man, are you content?

ADAM: Well, yes, Father God. Everything's heaven-sent

And truly magnificent.

And yet... all the animals seem to come in twos.

Do you think maybe I could have a muse

Just to brighten up my life?

Lord, could you give me... a wife? GOD: Hmm.

SONG

ADAM (sings): 4 [I'll Need A Wife]

If I had been made differently,

With melancholic feeling,

I wouldn't sleep too easily,

My dreams quite unappealing.

Please, don't let me be lonely all my life.

To thrive in Paradise, one needs a wife.

I need someone to be with me

As soon as you can do it.

From earth create her instantly.

For You, I'm sure there's nothing to it!

Don't let me be so lonely all my life.

Living in Paradise, I'll need a wife.

If You will not grant my request, a hermit I shall be..

Live in a hut and have no interests at all.

Then stomach pains and other ailments will be plaguing me.

Just do this one more thing—For you it would be so small!

If I can't have a loving mate,

Then sadness soon will make me ill,

And if I perish intestate,

Then who will pay the doctor bill?

I'm sure I'll be so happy all my life

In Paradise, if I can have a wife

To live in Paradise, I'll need a wife.

In Paradise, I need a wife!

DIALOG

GOD (speaks): All right. As soon as I've had lunch – this afternoon, you'll have a wife.

Only be careful what you wish for; avoid walking into a trap.

Now go lie down and take a nap! (exits)

ADAM: A nap is just the right thing! A little rest will do me good.

And then I'll have a wife! Knock on wood!

I'll just stretch out, over here.

My eyes are blinking. Let the world disappear. (drops off to sleep; snores)

GOD (re-entering): Now that's what I call sleeping – and snoring.

Listen to the wood he's sawing!

Keep dreaming of a wife, Adam. But why do you want one?

ADAM (dreaming): Because one is better than none!

SONG

GOD: Hmm. (sings) 5 [Adam's Dream]

If I don't make him a spouse, he'll call it quits.

Still, what is worse than ill-humor in a mate?

So, he could get what he wants, and lose his wits,

Though with a good one, he'd never have to masturbate!

Adam, my Adam, you'll pay for it dearly

When she asks for money to spend,

Corsets and kerchiefs and whalebone twice yearly.

Dresses and laces and frills without end!

But... should you get a woman good and pious,

I'll not regret the taxing work I've done.

For it is true they are a gift from Heaven,

A saying well-expressed in Swabian!

ADAM (speaks in his sleep):

The world is spinning like a ball.

How long have I been sleeping?

GOD (speaks): Good heavens! Now don't speak at all! Just slumber,

While I create your opposite number.

Just hold still. That's the way it has to be

For me to make this woman, carefully...

(sings) A woman is truly a delicate thing,

Can give you grey hairs and an ache,

Lead you like a bull with your nose in a ring.

Let her wear the pants and you'll shiver and shake!

Adam. arise

now and open your eyes

To a wondrous creation – again.

(to EVE) And you, stand back here while I shake him

and wake him

And don't move a muscle until I say when!

So listen now, Adam, and open your ears

As the bell in the tower strikes three.

Get up. Don't just lie there a-rubbing your eyes.

Your wife's here and can't wait 'til eternity!

DIALOG

ADAM (waking, speaks): Good morning! Good morning. Ow!

Have I got a cramp in my side! And how!

Could you please bring her to me now?

GOD: As you'll see, she's in perfect condition. In the pink!

ADAM: Is that my... spouse?

EVE: Yup, Adam. That's me – I think....

ADAM: Now that's really something! How do you do?

(She makes a face.)

Where'd she get that expression? Not, Lord, from you?

Or is she maybe unfinished a bit?

GOD: No, Adam, she's your wife. And that's it.

But I'll tell you how I made her. Come over here and sit.

SONG

(sings) 6 [Eve's Introduction] When you lay on the grass, stretched out upon the dew,

And like a log slept in a blissful state,

Then secretly I came and stole a rib from you

and slow and easy-like I made your mate!

ADAM (sings): But how? I do not see a bloody hole in me.

How could a woman come from inside there?

Still, come to think of it, indigestively

It would explain those cramps and heavy air. (belches)

But had I an idea that sausage lay inside,

I'd take some anti-constipation pills

And blending them with some bromide

Then I'd excrete and flush the slut down, cursing all my ills.

EVE: If that's the way he thinks of me,

I'll exit instantly!

I've just come from a bone so white.

You're made of sticks and mud, that's right!

Ha-ha-ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha-ha-ha ha ha ha ha ha!

ADAM: If I'd not given up a rib,

Where would you be right now?

You'd just be nothing, not a nib,

Not soul or body, ugly cow!

Ha-ha-ha ha ha ha ha ha! Na-na-na na na na na na!

GOD (speaks): Peace! Peace! Why are you fighting so soon?

If this is the way

You act in one day,

How will it be after your honeymoon?

ADAM (sings): Oh, let me be a bachelor without a wife!

I wouldn't need to hear her bitch and moan!

I'd rather lie in peace, and live the simple life.

Dear Father God, give me back my rib bone!

GOD (speaks): No.

DIALOG

ADAM (speaks): Well, all right. I'll try not to defame her.

But at least

If I'm to live with her, what's her name?

GOD: You named the beasts.

You can name her.

SONG

ADAM: All right. (sings) 7 [Naming Eve] Ethel, Shirley, or Doretta,

Berenice, Delilah, Netta,

Celestine or Serafina,

Doris, Dorcas, Venus, Nina.

EVE: All begin to sound the same.

ADAM: I'm not happy with one name!

EVE: I'm not happy with one name!

ADAM: Wish I knew what might be better.

Neither Lily nor Concetta.

Mabel, Molly, Martha, Melba,

Pam and Polly, Bertha, Zelda,

Annabella, Jezebel,

Viola and Tinker Bell.

Faustina, Jill, and Claire de Lune,

Tuesday, April, May, and June,

Patience, Hope, and Charity

Cher, and even Chastity.

EVE: A simpler one I might conceive.

ADAM: Perhaps a shorter name... BOTH: Like Eve!!! (They embrace.)

DIALOG

ADAM (speaks): Eve, my little wife. D'you accept your name? EVE: I do!

ADAM: And don't forget, you were named by me, not I by you!

Isn't that so, Father God? GOD (entering): Yes, it's true.

EVE: Adam, you belong to me. And I to you.

SONG

GOD: Now hearken and obey my commandments, you two!

(sings) 8 [The Forbidden Tree] I'll let you have some fun and rest,

And nothing is forbidden.

Except for just one small request:

See that tree? The one that's almost hidden?

Don't touch the fruit it bears! Do not go near it!

If either one of you ever dares, I'm sure to hear it!

And if my word you think you can defy,

A single bite from it – I warn you – and you'll die!

GOD: ADAM & EVE:

Except for that, enjoy each treat, Except for that, we'll enjoy each treat.

But don't forget my warning. We'll not forget Thy warning:

That fruit is not for you to eat! That fruit is not for us to eat!

Try, and you'll regret it in the morning!

By the Last Judgment, my meaning savor:

Let all those apples be!

And do yourselves a favor,

as well as honoring me!

DIALOG

ADAM (speaks): Until and lest we have to leave here, let's forget about that tree.

EVE: O may that never come to be!

GOD: We'll just have to wait and see.

And I shall now, temporarily disappear. (exits)

ADAM: A beast's a beast, a bird's a bird,

And a man's as good as his word.

I'm not going to touch that tree

+EVE: No matter how enticingly

Its lush fruits may appear to be..... (EVE walks off, then walks on again.)

EVE: Hubby, le's not be so... negative.

ADAM: What command doth my gentle lady give?

EVE: Look at this fruit that was a-hangin' from the bough!

ADAM: O my God, Woman! What dost thou!?

EVE: Let me tell you... I insist!

Honey, I just couldn't resist!

No fritter or candy or sugar cookie

Can compare to the apples on that tree!

ADAM: What the hell are you doing!? (EVE bites.) You know this ain't right!

EVE: Just open your mouth, and take a bite!

ADAM: O no, dear wife! EVE: Adam I entreat!

ADAM: But those were the apples we were told not to eat!

You know, don't you, what Father God would say?

Darling Eve, take that damn apple away!

EVE: But the apple is lovely, has such a nice red cheek.

ADAM: And it smells good too... I'm feeling weak! (sits.)

Almost like I'm at my last breath.

But if I eat it, I'll be eating death!

EVE: Now don't hold back. Don't bitch and moan.

Or I'll just eat the apple on my own. (She continues biting into it.)

ADAM: That's all right by me. I fear the fiery sword [flashes on screen]

Of Father God, if we break our word!

But to do as you bade me, I'll be glad,

If you prove to me He won't get raging mad!

EVE: List and I'll tell thee! This morning around nine,

Just as the sun was beginning to shine,

I saw these new apples appear on the tree.

And a l-o-n-g worm hung down and said, "Hi, Evie!

Go ahead and try one! They're good!

God won't curse you like he said he would.

Nah, he was just, ya know, kidding around.

He wouldn't put you into the ground

Just because one piece o' fruit you wanted to try!

And if you eat it, ya know what? You'll never die!

You'll be a Goddess, in the wink of a nod

And Adam will be like Father God!"

ADAM: Is that so?

EVE: The worm said "Go

Ahead! It's not dangerous at all. Really not.

But it'd be a sin to let those apples rot!≤"

ADAM: Well... then... I'll give it a try.

EVE: D'you think that I

Would or could

Ever begrudge you something good? (ADAM bites & keeps the apple.) (Thunder begins.)

So how is it, my good man?

ADAM (chewing): How is it? Hot damn! (Hot kiss.)

Wow! I think I really might

Not be able to resist taking another bite! (bites again.)

With this apple nothing could compare!

EVE: Eat it up. There are eight more of them up there! (Thunder becomes louder.)

ADAM (putting the apple down): O Cripes! What do I hear? I'm feeling faint and numb.

Where am I? O my God, Eve! What have we done!?

Eve, where have your corset and all your clothes gone?

My God, Eve, you have nothing on!

EVE: Stop all your finger-pointing and your rants,

Adam! You're not wearing stockings, or even pants!

ADAM: O hell and damnation! When promises one forgets

EVE: Then after the sin, +ADAM: the sad regrets.

SONG

ADAM & EVE (sing): 9 [Damn! That Apple!]

Oh dreadful day! Damn! That Apple!

The Devil's pulled the wool over our eyes.

The sin and shame of biting That Damn Apple.

Now will God throw us out of Paradise?

ADAM: It caught right there, when I tried to swallow.

I took that cursed bite with too much ease.

+EVE: What shall we do when winter comes to plague us?

Without a coat or overalls we'll freeze!

EVE: If we could say we're innocent when He comes back to scold us,

But no, He'll say that we are fools, not doing as He told us.

ADAM: A wretched devil I am. On my neck a goiter's grown -

Perhaps a piece of apple that I should have left alone.

+EVE: Oh dreadful day! Damn! That Apple!

The Devil's pulled the wool over our eyes.

The sin and shame of That Damn Apple.

Now will God throw us out of Paradise?

EVE: We have no pants nor shirt nor rag, no shovel when it's snowing,

No patch to cover derriere to keep the wind from blowing.

ADAM: I'm choking on this dreadful sin. O Eve, you stupid bitch!

Go quickly, bring some fig leaves here, and learn to sew and stitch!

+EVE: Oh dreadful day! Damn! That Apple!

The Devil's pulled the wool over our eyes.

The sin and shame of That Damn Apple.

Now will God throw us out of Paradise?

O Father God, we are so very frightened, Our very necks are hanging in a noose!

If we can't make Him think we've been enlightened, He'll show His face and words will be no use!

DIALOG

EVE (speaks): Oh Adam, let's go hide behind that ledge!

ADAM: I hear Father God coming. And He seems to be on edge!

He's coming round the gate.

Slide in, before it's too late!

He's grinning, but not laughing. I think I'm feeling ill.

He looks as though He's swallowed a bitter pill.

He's coming with great big steps. Well, let the chips fall where they may.

But duck down, Evie. Don't give us away.

GOD (re-entering): I hear noises and rustlings.

I'm looking for Adam, that good-for-nothing

And also his wife Eve.

I won't leave

Until they receive the punishment they're due.

Well, I see those bushes are all askew.

To take a closer look, over there I'll go.

Well, well, what do you know!

I hear Adam's now a god

and struts like a toad, hops like a clod.

Well, well, what do you know!

And how about my tree,

you weren't supposed to touch, as you promised me!?

Well, well, what do you know!

1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8 the 9^th one's gone. I thought so!

Well, well, what do you know!

It hung there and surely was the finest,

of all of them the very best.

Well, well, what do you know!

Of course if you steal and then run and hide,

you won't exactly have God on your side.

Well, well, what do you know!

Just think, Adam's a god, but what a shame:

Doesn't even have a shirt to his name.

Well, well, what do you know!

Now Adam has greatness and prosperity,

and parity with Father God – me!

Well, well, what do you know!

And Eve, his wife, is also doing well.

She's going to be a Goddess – in Hell!

Well, well, what do you know!

The first man, Adam, and Eve, his wife

Will never die. They'll have eternal life!

Well, well, what do you know!

They ate the apple, those two. What a pair!

I see only the stem is there.

Well, well, what do you know!

That's the way it goes when women wear the pants. Never doubt it!

Adam, where are you? I know all about it!

ADAM: If You already know, then why do You ask me?

GOD: Come on. Come out of there. Quickly.

ADAM: But we haven't got a stitch on.

GOD: What did you do?

The Devil must have told you.

How else could you have learned of it with such rapidity?

You fools! Did you think you'd get away with it, you two?

ADAM: Well, since what's done is done,

EVE: Do You have to be so hard on us?

ADAM: Might we humbly request that You +EVE: pardon us?

GOD: Absolutely not! Death shall be your lot!

ADAM: O please don't condemn us to perdition!

EVE: Grant us just one little act of contrition!?

GOD: Scoundrels! Both of you! Out of the gate!

There'll be no bargaining now. It's too late!

How swiftly punishment follows upon sin!

Go now. Quickly. It would have been

Better for your conscience,

had you cracked nuts with your teeth.

But to forget my commandments!

In truth you are beneath

My contempt for having eaten what's forbidden.

So I say to both of you: Get thee gone now! And good riddance!

EVE: Lord, please don't be angry.

ADAM: The apple really

Is better than a nut. Especially when you lack a

Utensil to open it, like a nutcracker!

GOD: Hold your tongue, Adam. Your jokes may be well meant

But they just provoke my wrath to an even greater extent!

EVE: Oh Lord! The punishment You mete out is searing!

GOD: And don't shout. There's nothing wrong with my hearing.

ADAM: This wife You gave me has been no use.

Inquisitive, foolish, naive... GOD: That's no excuse!

EVE: Oh Lord! I'd never have thought to do it. You can confirm

The idea came from a big long worm!

GOD: And now you know the Devil. But it makes no difference.

Your going to that tree was simply disobedience.

You wanted to be like gods by biting into an apple. Poor you!

If that would work, then bees and wasps would have been gods long before you!

And now for your terrible sins,

This is the way your punishment begins:

You've made your bed, and shall reap what you've sowed.

Thou shalt earn thy bread, Adam, by the sweat of thy brow,

with harrow and plow.

Now hit the road!

SONG

GOD (sings) 10 [The Curse]:

Spread manure, and mow

and harrow, sow,

Cut, bind and thresh and plow.

Cut wood and bushes 'til the sweat is falling from your brow.

So bitter your children's tears will be.

Yours won't be less for defying me!

And you'll be thinking of that apple.

Yes, when your little children cry,

Behind your fences you will weep until your eyes run dry.

You'll cough and sneeze and wish that apple

Had gotten blasted from the sky.

And on your final day you'll know the reason you must die.

When you think your harvest's good,

Well, all you'll get are chaff and thorns.

Then sorrow, hunger, misery: You'll rage from night 'til morn!

You'll draw your last breath across the gloom,

Knowing that damn apple had been your doom!

DIALOG

ADAM (speaks): Can't we just talk this over a bit?

From now on I'll pick those apples just for You.

GOD: No, your pleading and begging count not a whit.

There's nothing more you can do.

I don't mean to be curt,

But you didn't obey my rules, so now you can wallow in the dirt!

EVE: What's happening now? Lord, be gracious unto us!

I'll replace those apples with others I can go buy!

GOD: There is nothing more to discuss.

I don't need any more damn apples, so don't bargain with me. Don't even try!

You shall pay for your transgression, feel pain while giving birth.

And your husband shall be lord and master of all you own on earth!

SONG

EVE (sings): 11 [Eve's Lament] Oh, mighty God! What can you be thinking?

What will Adam do to me

If he has the rule of me?

Am I to serve the soup while he is drinking?

Dumplings, noodles, knishes?

Slave and wash the dishes?

If that's the way it is, I'll die of sorrow;

Jump into the Vistula tomorrow!

Wash and sew and knit,

Mend socks while he'll just sit?

And what is my reward?

Behave as if he were the Lord?

And what is my reward?

Behave as if he were the Lord!

DIALOG

GOD (speaks): That's how it is, the way you state,

And can't be otherwise. Accept thy fate!

ADAM: Must we go now? It's really cold out there.

Don't think I could carry even the weight I bear.

GOD: So you think I'll carry you out piggyback?

EVE: But couldn't we first make some clothes, and pack?

ADAM: People would be so nasty and crude

+EVE: If suddenly we went out there, nude!

SONG

GOD (sings) 12 [The Banishment]: Had you but chosen to obey,

You could have both stayed here.

I'd not have sent you far away.

To the parish fair I'd have brought you--

Dumplings and cabbages and stew.

Two sheep and goats I slew today.

You'll have to find your own.

Lambskin coats you can have - OK? -

As you go searching every which way

For shelter, many miles from home.

Now it is time for you to go,

Move, or I'll get my rod.

Don't linger, or the dog will bite. (Dog barks.)

Leave now ere I employ my might—

No more defying God! (exits)

DIALOG

ADAM (speaks): Well, there's no more to discuss.

EVE: Father God won't listen to us

ADAM: And won't wait another day

EVE: So we'll just have to go away.

SONG

GOD (entering with ANGEL, spoken): God protect thee! They're outta here. They're gone.

ANGEL: I just came down from Heaven. So what's going on?

GOD: Take this sword, and if Adam tries to jump back in,

Jab him, bash him, thrash him, hack him

And if he tries to get around you somehow,

Tell him: "You're on the outside now!"

ANGEL: That should be easy. I'll just play hard!

But... when is the changing of the guard?

GOD (sings) 13 [Finale]: Someone will soon relieve you, as you've reminded me,

And your relief will be relieved for all eternity.

+ANGEL: To Adam and his children will Paradise be closed,

Until shall come The Promised Day of which no one now knows.

ANGEL: Adam, Eve, and their descendants

In peace and not in strife

Shall enter through wide open gates unto eternal life.

ANGEL & EVE, then GOD & ADAM (sing): And now you've seen our little play,

How sin came in the world to stay,

How sin, how sin, how sin, how sin, how sin into the world came to stay.

QUARTET (sings): How sin into the world came to stay.

And now you've seen our little play,

How sin came into the world to stay.

You've seen how sin in the world came to stay.

Remember Adam in his fall from grace

Succumbed to pride, which is the worst temptation.

If we wish to learn from his disgrace,

We should avoid that tempting inclination!

And now you've seen our little play,

How sin came into the world to stay.

Amen, Let us say Amen!

GOD: Now say Amen!